Across town Clayton was just releasing into the work force another free spirit. He placed a tasteful ad into the local paper for a chef, preferably one that wasn't stuffing whole hams under his clothing and leaving for home. Clayton didn't mind the stealing so much as what it indicated about the sanitary habits of the man. Since a change was definitely in order, he pondered over the requirements for the position. Clayton chuckled to himself. At least this one was more discerning than the last one he thought. That one tried to sneak home concealing a package of crackers and a baked potato in his trousers. The maids were wise to him immediately.
"Jerry, the maids think that you are taking food home."
"Well, I am. I have to eat don't I? Half the slop will spoil anyway."
"Well let's just let those microbes have their chance at it, shall we, Mr. Williams? Master P has been complaining that our recent refuse amount is quite low in comparison to his neighbors. It gives the household the wrong image, you see, like we may actually be NEEDING the things we buy. So, with deep regret, I must say our journey together is at an end?"
"You mean I'm fired? Over some food? Food that won't even be missed?"
"But you are mistaken , sir. It is sadly missed as I have already pointed out to you just now."
"So..what you're saying is, it's not what I prepare but what I throw away?"
"You are very astute. Unfortunately, the damage is already irrepairable and I must let you go."
"Yeah, yeah, I got that. But let me understand you..No..just explain it to me."
"My dear child, anyone and everyone at this station in life can set a fine table for their guests. But it is the truly rich that can do that and throw it all away, barely touched. You by your thrift have caused us to go severely lacking in our wanton waste. The household is actually comsuming most of the things that you prepare. So again, with deep sadness...."
"Wait, so what would you have done?"
"I would have prepared meals for 10 persons every night. I would have served seafood and steaks and rare dishes that I knew no one could bear but everyone knew the price of. And, after presenting them with a flair to the Pennysworths, I would have dumped them whole, crystal bowl and all into the dumpster, clearly in the view of the other household staffs that watch and report back to their Masters about these things."
Williams nodded with understanding.
"So it is with deep regret...."
"Yeah, yeah..deep regret. But you taught me something...yeah..you taught me something. By the way, as my last official act, the ham in the oven? Slice it up and feed it to the dog. See, I think I have it right, yes?"
Clanton shook his head sadly no. "The dog," he replied in the voice he reserved for correcting small children, "is a vegetarian."