It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood once again. The sun is filtering through the trees, playing a silly game of peek-a-boo with you as you stroll along the shaded sidewalk. You pause briefly to watch two frolicsome squirrels chase each other in spirals up and down the trunk of a large maple tree. Look there! There's Mr. Rogers himself, standing on the porch and motioning in your direction. Dear Mr. Rogers. Such a quaint, friendly person dressed in his casual slacks, that comfortable old cardigan sweater and that fully-loaded AK57 strapped bandit-style to his chest. (Futuristic weapon) A what?? Hey!! What happened to the neighborhood? You'd better investigate.
As you enter the shop, your eyes scan over the myriads of pipes, fittings, tools and an amazing array of flashy commode covers. Yes, my friend, whatever you have to wash, sprinkle or dispose of, you will find the item that will do the job here. The owner is quite helpful and can special order any item for you from a remotely controlled waterhose, to a wall-mountable laser cannon timed to fire if a bathroom occupant exceeds the one hour limit. Although the owner has no antenna to speak of and is not even remotely shaded green, he does have the remarkable ability to stop the hearts of humans after he quotes them a price. He keeps a specially designed plunger close-by to resuscitate any potential clients. One very special service however, elevates this shop above all the rest. If you have a problem with drainage, the owner will personally pay you a visit. He travels through the plumbing system from his office to yours in ...say... about 20 minutes. Business is booming.
If you are here for yourself, then you are dead, and what this place looks like is the least of your worries. If you are here because you are merely curious, then you are a sick little puppy and should seek psychological help at your earliest convenience. However, if you are here because you truly believe it should be 'ashes to ashes and dust to dust' then do we have a deal for you! The Mercurian Crematorium Memorial Service and Magic Show is not only entertaining, but efficient. Your loved one is place on a table, a cloth is draped over them and PRESTO! CHANGO! When the cloth is removed they are gone!
Located inside an Igloo family cooler are millions of microscopic beings that make up the staff of the Plutonian A/C Repair company. Joe4373220 is the supervisor. Joe4196523 is a trainee. Following a long family tradition that goes all the way back to four hours ago, the Joes in the 4300 series have taken up the A/C repair trade. Those who have not are used as ...well... refrigerant. Naturally then, a clear majority of the Joes are quite intense about their work.
A small Optometry Clinic located just down the street from Mr. Rogers. The Venetians are experts at diagnosing eye problems having 50 of the little organs to maintain on their own bodies. They also have the unnerving habit of allowing only a third of them to sleep at one time. Superior vision combined with their supersonic powers of hearing, has gained them a reputation of being busy-bodies, and of course, they are. It's quite difficult to let things go unnoticed after you've had to look at it over 50 times! The presence of the Venetians keeps Mr. Rogers a bit on the edge. Especially when they tell others about the little puppets he plays with everyday at 3, and the habit he has of addressing every object in his house by the title of MR.
Strange things are happening in the old mailroom these days, every since the union lost its bid to handle the Federal Mail Contract. For one, there IS no mail delivery .. well .. no TANGIBLE mail anyway. The newcomers have eliminated printed material altogether. Oldtimers ask what's so new about mail not getting delivered? Some of them recall the case of a retired mailperson who was using undelivered letters as insulation in his attic. Of course that case only added to the union woes, making it doubly hard for the negotiators. They assured the government that this case was an aberration. Not only could union workers do the job under pressure, but, they believed, could also keep well below the total number of hostage-takings and supervisor-killings they set last year. The government was not convinced. The contract was awarded to the Jups. The Jupiter delivery system is quite unique. Through telepathy and mind-control, they deliver the mail messages. Say a customer is three months passed due on a bill, an over-powering urge to pay comes over them. Need to send a note of love to your-one-and-only? Your thoughts fill their mind as they go about their daily chores. Of course this service is quite expensive compared to the old stamp method, but it gets results.
Neptune MotorWorks
"Home of the Really Big Cars"
Years ago an American company set out to make a comfortable family sedan. The Neptune Brothers took it one step further. What do you call a vehicle that includes a movie house and a cafeteria? Yes, Neptune's sub-compact model is quite popular with families of 6 or more. The century of the little-little car is dead; primarily because Japan finally got one of their vehicles so small that Barbie and Ken would no longer fit in them side-by-side. Reluctantly, Americans returned to the BIG car, and the Neptune designers were there to meet the new need. Have a look around the lot. Understandably, they only have a few models on display, but be assured the custom department can make it, if you order it.