August 12, 2004

Writing about her own experiences in a book about shame was not easy for Brené Brown.

“I liken it to streaking through a faculty meeting,” joked Brown, assistant professor of social work research, explaining that researchers often don’t tell their own stories.

But, that is exactly what Brown does in her first book, which focuses on a “taboo” subject that often has been controversial in the American research community — shame.

In hopes of breaking that taboo, Brown is sharing her research not only with graduate students and social work colleagues, but also with thousands of non-academic women. She is crisscrossing the nation, facilitating workshops with professionals and holding book signings in cities such as Reno, Portland, San Antonio, Baltimore and Houston. She will speak at UH’s Women Resource Center on Sept. 8.

Her book, titled “Women & Shame: Reaching Out, Speaking Truths and Building Connection,”
is available at local Barnes and Noble and River Oaks bookstores and on Amazon.com.

Already, the book is catching the attention of news reporters. “Great Day San Antonio,” a morning news show on KENS-TV, Channel 5, named “Women & Shame” its book of the month for July.

The book delves into the effects of shame on American women and how they can build resilience to shame. The book is “a tool that is powerful mixture of research, strategies on how to build resilience and women sharing their stories,” according to Brown.

“It’s not the norm for an academician to write a trade book,” she said, “but for me it was an ethical dilemma. I felt that I had a responsibility to make this information accessible to the same type of women who shared their stories and helped build the book — ordinary women from all walks of life.”

The book is based on research conducted by Brown, who had mixed feelings about studying shame. Her ambivalence increased after reading an article about the history of shame studies.

It explained that the subject was often considered taboo among scholars – primarily because American society is actually ashamed about shame. “It’s something we don’t want to talk about,” she said.

To get their work published, many early social scientists did not label their work as “shame” research. Some faced difficulties getting their work accepted for publication. If their studies were published, they rarely had their work cited and referenced by other social scientists, according to Brown.

Despite her initial concerns, Brown launched a four-year study on women and shame. She is now researching the impact of shame on parenting and men.

For the women and shame study, Brown interviewed 200 ethnically diverse women ranging in age from 18 to nearly 80. The study culminated in the 234-page book and several articles that are in progress.

In her book, Brown includes more than 100 examples from study participants. One woman, previously a stay-at-home mother, discussed the shame she felt after her husband divorced her and she and her children were forced to move in with her parents. Another woman related shame about being sexually abused while growing up.

Brown also wrote about her own experiences with shame, from balancing work and motherhood to trying not to appear obsessively worried about her 5-year-old daughter, Ellen.

“I felt it would be very disingenuous for me to write a book about the importance of risking vulnerability and sharing stories and then not take a risk or share my stories,” she said.

Study participants seem to appreciate her honesty, Brown added. She hopes that readers value her candor and learn from all the stories, which indicate that women can build resilience to shame.

The decision to conduct the study was “a personal struggle, but in the end, I felt the subject was too important not to research,” Brown said. “Over the last 15 years, there has been a lot of critical research on shame, and I wanted to contribute to our understanding of this complex and powerful experience.”

Yet, she also felt the sting of the taboo when several literary agents and publishers rejected the manuscript.

“Over and over I heard, ‘We really like it, but we can’t market something with shame in the title,’” Brown said. “3C Press, a small independent publishing company, was the best option.”
The academic journal “Families in Society ”recently accepted with revisions her article, “Shame Resilience Theory: A Ground Theory of Women and Shame.”

Brown’s own passion for the subject dates goes back a decade when she was working at a residential treatment facility with adolescent girls. During a staff meeting, her clinical supervisor made a statement that had a profound impact on Brown’s life, she recalled.

“He said, ‘I know you want to help these girls, but you cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behavior,’” she said. “I was struck by that entire concept. It was a real life-changing moment for me.”

Years later, Brown tested that theory.

“What I’ve learned through my social work education is you can actually use shame to change people, but it is not meaningful change,” Brown said. “It is not lasting change. It is quick change, but extremely destructive for both the person being shamed and the person using shame.”

For more information on Brown, visit http://www.brenebrown.com.

Francine Parker
fparker@central.uh.edu